Author Archives: Chris Hansen

Thought and Communication

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A quick post, but of vital importance. For many of you out there, household clean up and maintenance is a daily task, not necessarily enjoyed but needed. The following three steps might just help if you are a pet owner.

  1. Don’t flush dog poo down the toilet. It may seem convenient but the trash can is sufficient.
  2. If you do decide that you are going to flush the dog’s enormous poo down the toilet (which involves transporting the poo through several rooms) then definitely don’t flush the paper towel along with it, wrapped tightly around the same said poo.
  3. If, for some unimaginable reason you opt not to just throw it in the trash can RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, and you flush the poo AND the bunched up, tightly wrapped paper towel AND you clog the toilet that was advertised as “virtually uncloggable!” make sure to TELL the person you ask to fix it as you leave for five days.

This simple guideline will help to insure that when you return from your five day trip that your key works and your personal effects are not donated to several different charities across three counties.

Mischief Embodied

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The boys are out of school this week and I called to check on them, see how they are doing, all of that jazz. I try to check on them in the afternoon; just a Thing I Do.

Anyway, only one ring and the four year old picks up the phone, which is a bit unusual. We talk for a moment, How are you, how’s your day, stuff like that. In the background, I can hear his brother telling him to put the phone on speaker.

This is when it gets interesting.

Me: “What’s going on?”
Eldest: “I got in the kennel to straighten out the dog’s blanket and (youngest) locked me in.”
Me: “Did you just reach through the cage and let yourself out? Where’s your mom?”
Eldest: “Mom isn’t here – I can’t reach the latch and (youngest) won’t let me out.”

Realization sinks in.

Me: “Wait – you are STILL in the kennel?”
Eldest: “Yes! He won’t let me out!”

So, after a couple of minutes of negotiation via phone I convinced the youngest to let his brother out of the cage and convinced the eldest not to seek retribution against the youngest.

At no point did I laugh during this.

Well, not into the phone.

I pressed the MUTE button. A lot.

The youngest was very proud of the fact that he’d brought his brother a drink with a straw, some candy and a chocolate chip cookie while he was in the kennel. There is a strong possibility that it started out as a game that went (for the eldest) horribly wrong.

I laughed until I nearly hurt myself when I got off the phone.

English is Important People!

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I know I shouldn’t have to say this but seriously… The English language (regardless of whether you speak the American, UK, or other variant) has been refined and honed over centuries of usage. It isn’t perfect, but it does an amazing job of communicating information, expressing emotion, and the like.

Before you press ‘Send’ on that phone to unleash your text missive upon the world, please read it. It is a simple thing, but that one act will help you to avoid spelling ‘you’ as ‘u’, releasing a message with no punctuation whatsoever, or using the wrong word entirely (“Will do!” doesn’t mean the same as “Will do you!”).

If I have to read your message four times and still can’t figure out what you are trying to say, you are doing it wrong.

The Envy of the Gym

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Well, probably not. A tad bit too rotund for that still.

HOWEVER…

There is something delightfully… decadent… about pulling out the old Droid X phone, firing up Netflix and catching an episode of Doctor Who while I’m working my way through an otherwise boring work out.

I have a pair of wireless headphones arriving Wednesday or Thursday and then I might even pair up the iPad to the phone and watch on a BIG SCREEN. OooOoooo.

I am such a geek.

Cat Scratch Fever

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So, last night, I’m sitting in the loo and my outdoor male cat who is normally not very affectionate wanders in through the open door.

(note to self: ALWAYS make sure door is tightly closed)

Gamer, the cat, does the rub up against my shins to wipe his smell on me. Normal, not a big deal.

Then, he decides that I’m not paying him enough attention and being worshipful enough. Perhaps if he were closer to my hands I could worship him properly.

He bunches up and leaps, jumping up on my lap.

And misses.

In his panic at somehow missing his target, he scrambles and leaps away.

Pushing off.

With claws extended.

Yeah. Ow.

So, now I have a couple of rather small but extremely painful scratches on my … well, sensitive area.

You may laugh now.

As if you weren’t already.

Learn From My Fail: Always close and lock the bathroom door.

Mondays, Amirite?

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How are you doing on this fine, slightly chilly Monday morning? Some days you jump up from the bed, ready to face the frustrations and take the challenges head on – today isn’t one of those days. For those days there is caffeine and Cafe Rio for lunch.

Lots of caffeine.

So, in my insomnia induced state last night I watched three movies, hacked a bit and upgraded my iPad to iOS 5.0 a week early, cleaned up some files, and played two games of Sudoku. Hopefully, tonight I will fall into a blissful, deep sleep at 10 PM and not wake until Tuesday.

Yeah, I’m not counting on it either. Anyone have a mallet to induce sleep with? Please?

Transportation Economics

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Since I have a half hour minimum commute each way I end up with a bit of time to think, especially since I hate commercials and will turn off the radio in disgust about 15 minutes into the commute.

As I drove today I realized that I’ve had my car for almost exactly one year. So far, so good! But was it worth it to drive instead of take the bus? Let’s find out, shall we?

Facts about taking the bus

  • Monthly bus pass is 180$US since I would have to take the Express bus over the point of the mountain
  • 1.5 hours each way
  • Could work or sleep on the bus

Facts about driving

  • Equipment outlay of 2000$US
  • Fuel cost of 85$US monthly
  • Insurance cost of 40$US monthly
  • Responsible for maintenance
  • 30-35 minutes average commute time
  • Can’t work or sleep during commute
  • Need an oil change every three months (52 miles per day * 20 days * 3 months = 3120 miles)

Monthly Car Costs

Monthly Bus Costs

Fuel – 85.00

Subscription – 180.00

Insurance – 40.00

 

Oil Change – 12.00

 

Total: 137.00

Total:  180.00

So, I save about 43$US each month and two hours per day by driving my car. The cost of my car was 2000$US so after 12 months the cost of my car is 166$US per month, which, with the above savings, means my car costs about 120$US per month. At that rate, it will take about three more years until my car costs drop to 43$US per month.

Is two hours daily worth 6$US? You bet. Plus, since I already bought the car, my monthly outlay is 43$US less which is nice. I’d really like to be able to ride the bus but it just doesn’t make sense. Perhaps when the new Frontrunner train starts up service in a couple of months that will change…